Dancing with the Scars. Hurt by hate. How do you recover from pain? This was taken from the Men's Volleyball Championship video, you can watch it at http://www.npconline.tv/ and it should be the middle video of Dancing with the Scars. (see photo below) Message starts at 19 minutes in. Here are some highlights.
We change through pain, we change through anger. When we begin from a place where we are scared or angry we can go from a place that we are looking good like we have our act together to something changes. When you're angry things can change, your heart rate can change, your breathing changes, the chemicals flowing through your body changes. When anger is a part, it turns into hate. HATE-IS JUDGEMENT THAT POINTS JUDGEMENT AT SOMEONE. What you are saying is not only am I angry, I think you did something wrong and I am angry with you about that. If you are a Christian you will have a hard time with this because as Christians we don't believe we hate anybody because you have been trained not to hate anybody. It doesn't mean you don't hate anybody, it just means that you tell yourself you don't hate anybody. You might use different words for it, but it is the same thing. You might call it, we are just experiencing some tough love with that person right now and that can be slang for hate. Not that tough love is always hate but we can use the term that way. Or I am just going to have to show them some really strong boundaries right now. Nothing wrong with boundaries, love me some good boundaries but sometimes followers of Jesus use those words to make us sleep a lot better with the hate that we allow to live in our heart.Who is somebody in your life that you have anger toward and you know they were wrong? Let's not talk theoretical, let's talk about your life someone in a relationship with you that you have anger that is pointing judgement toward them. Lord help me to get beyond this anger, beyond this hate because if I don't I am going to be paralysed in my future, I'm not going to be able to get to my future because of what is going on in my heart right now. Hate is always hungry. waiting to be fed. you have to feed your hate or it dies . Don't rehearse how you were wronged. they were wrong I was right. We call it forgiveness sometimes but if we think and judge them, it is hate. Sometimes the longer the time passes between the hate, the more right we feel we were and the more wrong the think they were in our mind because you are feeding the hate. We don't call it hate, we say, it's alright, I am over it, I forgive them. But anytime we have anger pointing toward somebody and we are judging them, it is hate no matter what we call it.
In your life how do you feed hate? do you rehearse the story, check out their facebook? Hate enables us to smuggle our past pain into our future. Hate is the great smuggler. It can sneak it's way past your guard and set itself into your future. You've already had enough past pain, don't bring it with you. When we hate, we fill in every gap with suspicion (and subterfuge or lying by omission to get our own way)
Anytime you have a conflict in a relationship you have a choice you fill in the gap of what you don't know with either a suspicion or trust. (Andy Stanley) We do that with every relationship. When we don't know what was the intention we fill in the gap , Here's what hate does, it fills in the gap with suspicion every time. Everytime hate judges you on your action and assumes the worse intentions behind the actions. We judge ourselves based on our intentions and then judge others based on their actions on what we think they might have intended. That's what hate does.
There is a story of a pod of frogs and they are in this forest. In the forest there is a pit and 2 of the frogs fall in the pit. The frogs up top are yelling "oh no you are never going to get out! You are going to die! Well the 2 frogs in the pit were leaping with all they got, they are jumping and jumping and the frogs up top are yelling you might as well give up, you are not going to do it, until finally out of sheer exhaustion and discouragement from hearing the pod of frogs discouraging him, one of the frogs just lays down and dies. The second frog keeps leaping and leaping as the frogs on top keep saying "you might as well give up it;s never going to work, it's never going to work, you're just going to die!" And this frog jumps keeps jumping and jumping until finally it miraculously just jumps up and over the pit and out on the top. The frogs said "Oh my word, we thought you were going to die!" And at that point the frog had read their lips and reminded them that "guys I'm deaf ok, I didn't hear what you were saying before, I thought you were cheering me on and that's why I had the strength to jump out of there!"
and that's where we need to understand. If you don't know the communication you fill in the gaps. Is this person trying to get me to die or survive? If you fill in the gaps with trust you are going to be able to get out of that pit.And I guarantee you this hate or a broken relationship will create a pit in your life. In order to get out of there you have got to stop interpreting the negative things even if they are feeding you negative things stop interpreting it that way otherwise you get stuck in this pit.
4. Hate is the costume that fear wears. Why? Because it is way less venerable to say I am nervous, it easier to say that person is a jerk. We don't like to say I am nervous of what they might treat me like, so we puff up like a puffer fish, we yell, we get angry. It is just a costume that fear wears.
So what do we do with hate? few things, let's start with Matt. 5:8 Blessed are the pure for they shall see God. Purity is somehow connected to clarity. When my heart is pure my mind is clear. When I have hate in my heart I see really fuzzy. If I don't handle all my relationships in holistic manner the whole picture is going to get muddy. So what do we do about hate? 1. don't ignore it... investigate it. Why did that make you feel that way? Get all the wisdom you can from the situation. What happened, why did it happen, what can you learn about you, what can you learn about others, Hate has caused a billion problems but it has never solved one of them. Not one problem has been solved because someone got "just mad enough" 2. Don't let it go..let it grow.. let hatred do something to grow into a different format. When you begin to explore hate or anger in your life. guess what your are going to discover at the end of that? That there is a worry, a sadness, and when you are not blocked by this anger and you stop puffing up with pride to be right, when we get beyond that and grow beyond that, we see that hate grow into sorrow, like ouch I was hurt. and that's not fun. But now when you are not in anger, the doctor, scripture calls him the Great Physician, is able to now come and begin to clean my wounds when I am not trying to protect myself with anger. Don't let anger or hurts prevent you from enjoying your future, but if you will take an investment and let it turn into sadness I promise you it won't stay that way. Now you won't have to puff yourself up with that prideful vengeance but now you can get on your knees and say Jesus I am vulnerable , I was hurt, and now God is the mender, the restorer, the binder of the broken heart. It's not going to be instantly easy, you won't just go out and suddenly feel all happy. for some of you it is going to feel like I am in 3rd grand again and I didn't get picked in PE ,that's why I am so messed up with that persons comment. Then I realize it's not even about that persons comment. It's about this hole in my heart that I have ignored. It reminds me of rejection and then I am able to deal with that and let God fill those things.Then I can come back and say alright that person probably didn't even mean to make me feel that , they had no clue that would even make me feel that way. Now I can fill in the gap with trust and not suspicion and I don't need to have an anger judgement pointing toward them. Keep moving to the other side. Don't let it go, let it grow. 3. I have to own my piece to own my peace. For me to get through hate I have to know what I am contributing to it. And this is the great shock and awe of most people, especially Christians. Go to the video and check out his pie chart it is a good lesson for owning our part of the issue. (at 53 minute mark) Goal: Now none of my energy is going to judging others, but raised to God asking him to fill the hole in my heart that is making this anger and hatred. Why would we do that as a follower of Jesus, because that is exactly what Jesus did for us. When you are in the middle of it, it is hard to see it. Hate is a scam,it makes you feel you are right, like getting a great deal on a car online and they will drive the car to you from the state it is in as soon as they receive the money. Hate is a scam, every single time. And it is hard to recognize a scam when you are right in the stinkin' middle of it. If you are a follower of Jesus today, you got to get through this, keep walking through it, journey through it, your future is too important to bring this with you. Jesus says this is how we become more complete, more like Him. If you are not a follower of Jesus, this is what Christianity is all about, Jesus loved us even when we were in the wrong. He offered us another opportunity, what do you do with that? You invite Him to forgive your sin and begin that journey with Him. Reflect that kind of love. Father, We don't naturally ascend to these standards, this goes so against our human heart, our emotions, our nature, but God our future is too important to be stuck with past pain. I pray that you will help those of us here today that are gripping onto being wronged, gripping onto an offense, even if it was true, Lord that we would not let that become our prison for the future. God that we would be able to journey across that and to find freedom and healing in those relationships so that we can experience wholeness with you and reflect wholeness toward others. In Jesus name we pray. Amen. To which I add "God help me to be scandalous in my love for others, even when I take the hurt and internalize it. Help me to give it all to you so that you can fill any gaps with trust in my heart when I am hurt. Help me to realize that the person hating has gaps too."